Alex
There’s a boy in the corner humping a basketball and pretending to climax, his face going through a complex series of contortions. It’s lewd in its accuracy and I can’t stand that I won’t be able to get it out of my head now, what this stranger looks like in the most intimate moment. And I hate that he’s going back to do it again, egged on by his friends, who seem to find some high cleverness in the fact that now he’s behaving as if the basketball is performing oral sex on him.
The teachers see him, I know it. Hendricks looks away and shakes her head; the others roll their eyes when she points it out, but no one stops him. His impropriety has thrown a wall of disgusting around him that no one wants to walk through. And so he keeps doing it.
A few bleachers down, a group of freshmen notice and explode in a chorus of giggles. I don’t think it’s funny but I can’t tear my eyes away. I find myself memorizing his face, my brain cataloging his name when I hear it being tossed around by the girls below me. I shake my head to clear it, finally breaking my line of sight as he finishes, as if it’s vital that he get to the end of his pretend sexual encounter with sports equipment.
I wonder what would happen if I went down there, took a ball out of the cage, and pretended to have sex with it. I think people would stop and look. I think the whole gym would come to a standstill and teachers would definitely interfere. There would be discussions (again) about what exactly is wrong with me that I would do such a thing. I would definitely log some more hours in the guidance office.
But boys will be boys, our favorite phrase that excuses so many things, while the only thing we have for the opposite gender is women, said with disdain and punctuated with an eye roll (p. 201-202, The Female of the Species).
- What if a female did this? According to Alex, if it was her, people would have reacted differently, how so?
- Why is the act, done by a male student, is not found to be funny?
- What does Alex mean when she states, “But boys will be boys, our favorite phrase that excuses so many things, while the only thing we have for the opposite gender is women, said with disdain and punctuated with an eye roll?”
- Is it possible that women also sexualize men, but others do not confirm that its “girls will be girls”?
- How does stating, “boys will be boys” misinforms and oversimplifies the problem?
- What effects does patriarchal culture has on both male and female, men and women?
- Overall, what did you learn and take away from your group’s discussion?
- Remember, take notes on what you agree and/or disagree on. Did you ever come to an agreement? How so? Did you not come to an agreement? Why not?
Article
After discussing the following questions in your group. Please read the following article (a) | article (b). Discuss the article.
POP. Culture:
Watch the video carefully and thoroughly. Listen to the lyrics carefully.
- Society says men should not cry and/or be emotional. What connotations do some people in society have when both men and boys are emotional?
- What rules do you think they are speaking of in the first verse, “…Rules, they never change / And my mind is so abusive from taking on the shapes?” Give examples of your answers. Remember, support your claims.
- Why is this statement problematic? How so? Why not? ” ‘Cause if boys will be boys, and we do the best that we can / Cover for our brothers while we suffer from our own hands.”
- What does the wax tears symbolize?
- How is the son being suppressed?
- Why is Benny attacked for having feminine traits?
- Why is Edderson Flores (Dad) treating his (Benny) son the way he is?
- How masculinity can cause toxicity and what are they trying to do in the video to overcome that?
- Watch the video carefully; do you believe the Dad is the younger version of the son? Let’s say it is, what do you think the Dad is saying to his younger self?
- What does the flag and finger/hand painting represent?
- Why do you believe both the son and dad wrapped the flag around their bodies at the end? What do you believe Benny meant when he states, “When mothers lose their sons / And their fathers watch them go?” What does this line mean: “Or do you feel less like a human? / Ooh if boys don’t cry not a man am I?” What can you do and society can do better to change this outlook on how we look at the emotional response when pertaining to males?
Button Poetry Presents: Guante – Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man Up’
- What does it mean to be masculine?
- Why is the phrase “man up” is problematic?
- Why is it no one ever says, “woman up?” Instead, it is implied. How is it implied? Use examples.
- Why are colors used to define gender? Why should or should it not be?
1. They would get in trouble and they would be judged
2. It’s not funny because it isn’t something to play about
3. They already expect boys to ask stupid so they allow it
4. Yes, but they do it in a more mature way
5. It allows them to do what they want
6. It makes men have more power than a woman
7. I learned that woman are treated unfairly compared to men
8, We don’t agree with each other because some people think that woman are treated unfairly and others don’t.
1. I disagree because they can control their selves. 2. I disagree because they can look at you a certain way. 3. I disagree because they can also look at you a certain way. 4. I disagree because they shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I also think they should be killed, but not put in jail. 5. I agree because they want the man/woman to do something, even if they don’t know how to do it their selves. 6. I disagree because it is her life and it is only words. 7. I disagree because it also… Read more »
1. When boys cry people assume that they are weak or that they are “gay” Because boys regularly don’t express themselves because some boys may say they don’t care what people think but, they truly do 2.. it’s talking about how boys are not supposed to cry for example if a girl wears like short shorts she is judged 3.i think is a problem bc boys can cry bc they also have feelings and they can show them 4.they symbolize that boys don’t have to cry bc if they do they will get judged because they think they are supposed… Read more »
1. If a female were to do something stupid that a male would’ve done they would be objectified and labeled. 2. It is done by a male for that it is what the label “boys will be boys” means. 3. Girls don’t have many phrases to describe their actions because they are thought to always be sassy or react with an “eye roll”. 4. Women do sexualize men from my understanding but the phrase “girls will be girls” is not really passed around because girls reframe from doing idiotic things because they are told it is wrong. 5. The phrase… Read more »
Question 1: We are used to seeing boys act out, and when we see a girl a do it we discriminate them. It seems like it’s just in a boy’s naturality.
Question 4: I agree, I believe it could be vise versa.
Question 6: It can go both ways, it just depends on their work levels, or how much they work (hours/days).
Question 8: Yes, I believe we have come to agreements, but on some things, like Caleb’s opinions, we disagreed on some of them.
1.yes they would look at her differently some would just laugh it off or think she is weird.
3.its a phrase that people use to stereotype most boys
4.yes it is possible
5.a typical excuse people say for boys acting the way they do
6.it makes some men think they have a higher power over women
7.i’ve learned that we all think differently over rather women are treated differently than men
8.learned we all different opinions
1. when some people males showing too much emotion they would get called gay. 2. It means Benny is tired of society image of what mean should be and the ‘rules’ put upon them. 3. It’s not problematic.4. I think the wax tears symbolize boys and not crying. 5. The son is having to push back his feeling of how he really feels. 6. Because some people will just automatically assume that he is gay. 7. He doesn’t want his son acting or having those type of feelings. 8. It doesn’t let them show their feelings. 9. Yes, I do.… Read more »
1. It would just be gross if a female did it.
2. It’s not something to play about.
3. People expect what boys do.
4. It’s possible.
5. People use it as an excuse for everything boys do.
6. It makes some woman think they have more power over men.
7. I learned that some men and women just want to make people a laughingstock.
8. Sometimes we did, and sometimes we didn’t because we have different opinions.
# 2. I disagree, yes young boys and girls will find that funny that a teenage boy is humping a basketball. In addition, if that situation had a young teenage girl everyone who was around would look at her in a strange way and label her as unladylike. #3. Boys get away with a lot, and girls get a certain disdain look. #5. It does oversimplify it. Why? There are some things boys can get away with. For example, how the guy was humping the basketball and everyone was just staring at him like it was normal and that is… Read more »
Question 1: I think if it was a female we wouldn’t get away with it boys get away with a lot if a girl had done this she would have been called ut her name our would have been labeled girls and boys were raised differently I think that’s why we have different views.
Question 6: Men getting paid more than women both men and women have bills to pay so when you are paying men more than women its a problem with that when you are taking money away for women it can make it harder for some women.
1. Men are thought to stay strong and fight off emotion and not show a sign of weakness because men are not supposed to, and if they do they are criticized for being “gay”. 2. Boy will be boys and that’s the way it goes and it never changes. 3. It’s a problem because taking cover for someone and taking the blame hurts you and not them who the benefactor in wrongdoing or so to say. 4. The wax tears to me symbolize that boys can’t cry and they don’t have any feelings and they should “man up” and stay… Read more »
6. Because men are supposed to be manly and being feminine is a sign of weakness. 7. Its the way fathers treat their son because they’re trying to toughen them up and basically mentally rape them into not being a crying manbaby. 8. Their trying to be free and masculinity can make people do foolish things just to prove their worth. 9. Probably telling him not to do the foolish things that he has done in his past so his son doesn’t have these problems. 10. I guess it symbolizes him hiding from society or something of that nature. 11.… Read more »
1. She is a female so she has a higher chance of getting trouble.
2. Some male play around too much.
3.they all ready to act stupid so people allow them. stereotype.
4. Excuse for boys for what we do.
5.A stereotype of all the males in the world.
6. It all depends on the job, culture, or environment.
7. I learned new world and how females feel about the actions we make.
1. When boys cry society makes it seem like that makes them homo or gay and they shouldn’t be able to show emotions that way
2.
1.people would look at her weird because she is a girl and most of the time boys do that things
2.its something stupid that you shouldn’t do
3.boys get excused for things bc they are boys
4.its true but they do it in a different way
5. an excuse for boys to do dumb things
6. it makes male have more power than a woman
7, I learn that woman are treated unfairly
1. When boys cry people assume that they are weak or that they are “gay” Because boys regularly don’t express themselves because some boys may say they don’t care what people think but, they truly do
2.. it’s talking about how boys are not supposed to cry for example if a girl wears like short shorts or a short dress she is considered a prostitute
3.i think is a problem bc boys can cry bc they also have feelings and they can show them
4.they symbolize that boys don’t have to cry bc if they do they will get judged
5.bc his dad showed up and apologize for how he acted
6. that’s the way that fathers treat their son so they can prepare them for the future
7.bc he wants him to “man up”
1. People would be like they’re a baby, or you weak.
2. come home before the streetlights come on, and stay out of trouble.
3. he has to follow the same old boring rules.
3. he has to follow the same old boring rules.
4. the wax tears symbolize
1. Some people in society think when men and boys cry that they are not tough. Other people realize that men and boys have feelings
so they’d actually understand and not discriminate. 2. The rules they’re speaking in the first verse is like when boys show their feelings/crying they’re shown as feminine or homosexual, and if a female wears clothes that show excessive skin where people will discriminate her as a prostitute. 3. It’s saying like if boys will do boy things that people don’t like then they (boys) will have to be there/comfort for each other when they do a boy thing that no one likes. 4. I think it symbolizes like how the wax is hard at first but when it gets burned… Read more »
When he said that I think it meant like the mothers lose their sons like she loses her son by him leaving her becoming the person they want to be & I think it’s the same way when the dad watches his son go. When you feel less like a human you feel like people don’t treat you like a human like they disown you. When he says “oh if boys don’t cry not a man am I,” I think it means like when boys don’t cry they are a man but it if they do then they’re not man… Read more »
1. They would have thought she had problems and laugh even harder.
2. Because it’s gross and childish.
3. She thinks boys get away with everything with this one phrase while girls are expected to behave.
4. Yes, they talk about their height and how they look all the time.
5. I really don’t know.
6. That everyone has rights but maybe that men get more stuff.
7. I wasn’t here.
1. She would probably get in trouble because she’s not acting as a girl should. 2. At times things that boys do gets old. 3. Most of the time boys act like children but women are expected to be more mature. 4. Yes because women look at men all the time and judge them as fine or not fine and if they fine they gonna look more at them. 5. Not all boys act alike 6. Men have more power than women. 7. They are boys so they had different thought from me. 8. No, because they think men and… Read more »
1. When boys cry today’s society makes them seem like they’re homosexual/feminine. It also makes it seem as if they can’t open up and express their feelings.
2. The first part is speaking about how, for example, if a boy cries that’s considered feminine. If a girl wears short shorts she’s considered abusive ed a prostitute. The second part is his mind is taking on the abusive rules that have been put on boys.
3. It is problematic because boys try their best to be accepted in today’s society’s rules. They ‘re so busy on taking up for others than themselves. 4. He’s tired of all the rules and having to always act a certain way, he’s tired of crying over it. Also, it’s time for him to dry those tears, and be himself. 5. HIs father didn’t accept him quickly, and also we’re arguing heavily. 6. He wasn’t acting manly enough. 7. He wanted him to be more manly than feminine and wanted to put an end to it at first. The father… Read more »
1. That they are weak or gay. 2. That they will be looked at diffrent. 3. They will help out with their feelings. 4. That their sad and for tears that he shedded. 5. The dad is suppressing to not be gay or share emotions. 6. His dad thinks he is a disappointment. 7. The dad is not proud of him for being emotional. 8. People think muscles are a must then expressing their emotions. 9. Yes and he’s saying don’t go down the same road that I went down. 10. That their pride is powerful. 11. That there are… Read more »
1. they can control their selves and everybody has feelings. 2. they will get looked at as different and gay. 3. they help each other out when they’re sad. 4. that they’re sad. 5. he’s not dealing with his problems. 6. some people don’t like gay people because its a sin. 7. he’s not proud of him because he’s gay. 8. they’re trying to express their feelings. 9. yes because the dad was in the son’s shoes at one point in life. 10. they’re trying to express their selves. 11. because they are trying to get their point across and… Read more »
1. When males cry they are considered weak and not manly. 2. rules never change so how people should act and how people will look at you if you’re different they never change you have to be how society pictures you to be. 3. it’s problematic because boys will try their best to be accepted into society but society turns a blind eye because they are not how we feel a boy should feel or act so they help each other 4. He’s tired of the rules and having to act the way society says he should act and all… Read more »
11. they put the flags around them to show that they were free and don’t have to listen to society, mothers lose the little boy they used to hug and kiss and play with and fathers watch go and grow up into men, if you cry people don’t view as much as a man and people are men and women, just be more open and more inclined to gay people.
1 Woman see men as there protector and always see men staying strong no matter what 2. sometimes you can get tired from all the negative comments and opinions 3. it’s a problem because always taking the blame for someone else all the time is not okay sometimes you have to take responsibility for your actions 4. the tears symbolize to me is that boys often don’t cry so when they do its something serious or painful 5. being suppressed from society 6. because people think boys should be boys and not want to be a female because that is… Read more »