Alex

There’s a boy in the corner humping a basketball and pretending to climax, his face going through a complex series of contortions. It’s lewd in its accuracy and I can’t stand that I won’t be able to get it out of my head now, what this stranger looks like in the most intimate moment. And I hate that he’s going back to do it again, egged on by his friends, who seem to find some high cleverness in the fact that now he’s behaving as if the basketball is performing oral sex on him.

The teachers see him, I know it. Hendricks looks away and shakes her head; the others roll their eyes when she points it out, but no one stops him. His impropriety has thrown a wall of disgusting around him that no one wants to walk through. And so he keeps doing it.

A few bleachers down, a group of freshmen notice and explode in a chorus of giggles. I don’t think it’s funny but I can’t tear my eyes away. I find myself memorizing his face, my brain cataloging his name when I hear it being tossed around by the girls below me. I shake my head to clear it, finally breaking my line of sight as he finishes, as if it’s vital that he get to the end of his pretend sexual encounter with sports equipment.

I wonder what would happen if I went down there, took a ball out of the cage, and pretended to have sex with it. I think people would stop and look. I think the whole gym would come to a standstill and teachers would definitely interfere. There would be discussions (again) about what exactly is wrong with me that I would do such a thing. I would definitely log some more hours in the guidance office.

But boys will be boys, our favorite phrase that excuses so many things, while the only thing we have for the opposite gender is women, said with disdain and punctuated with an eye roll (p. 201-202, The Female of the Species).

• What if a female did this? According to Alex, if it was her, people would have reacted differently, how so?
• Why is the act, done by a male student, is not found to be funny?
• What does Alex mean when she states, “But boys will be boys, our favorite phrase that excuses so many things, while the only thing we have for the opposite gender is women, said with disdain and punctuated with an eye roll?”
• Is it possible that women also sexualize men, but others do not confirm that its “girls will be girls”?
• How does stating, “boys will be boys” misinforms and oversimplifies the problem?
• What effects does patriarchal culture has on both male and female, men and women?
• Overall, what did you learn and take away from your group’s discussion?
• Remember, take notes on what you agree and/or disagree on. Did you ever come to an agreement? How so? Did you not come to an agreement? Why not?

Article

After discussing the following questions in your group. Please read the following article (a) | article (b). Discuss the article.

POP. Culture:

Watch the video carefully and thoroughly. Listen to the lyrics carefully.

Video | Lyrics

• Society says men should not cry and/or be emotional. What connotations do some people in society have when both men and boys are emotional?
• What rules do you think they are speaking of in the first verse, “…Rules, they never change / And my mind is so abusive from taking on the shapes?” Give examples of your answers. Remember, support your claims.
• Why is this statement problematic? How so? Why not? ” ‘Cause if boys will be boys, and we do the best that we can / Cover for our brothers while we suffer from our own hands.”
• What does the wax tears symbolize?
• How is the son being suppressed?
• Why is Benny attacked for having feminine traits?
• Why is Edderson Flores (Dad) treating his (Benny) son the way he is?
• How masculinity can cause toxicity and what are they trying to do in the video to overcome that?
• Watch the video carefully; do you believe the Dad is the younger version of the son? Let’s say it is, what do you think the Dad is saying to his younger self?
• What does the flag and finger/hand painting represent?
• Why do you believe both the son and dad wrapped the flag around their bodies at the end? What do you believe Benny meant when he states, “When mothers lose their sons / And their fathers watch them go?” What does this line mean: “Or do you feel less like a human? / Ooh if boys don’t cry not a man am I?” What can you do and society can do better to change this outlook on how we look at the emotional response when pertaining to males?

Button Poetry Presents: Guante – Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man Up’

Video

• What does it mean to be masculine?
• Why is the phrase “man up” is problematic?
• Why is it no one ever says, “woman up?” Instead, it is implied. How is it implied? Use examples.
• Why are colors used to define gender? Why should or should it not be?